Stay In The Question

Have you ever experienced the kind of clear water that betrays the true depth of the surface bottom, such as that in an open body of water?  It’s possible you have at least seen a picture of this.  How did this make you feel?  Did you feel a sense of ease or clarity because what you could see was plain to you?  Or, maybe you felt a sense of beauty in nature?

Clarity in the communication model evokes the same or similar emotions.  Having the courage to ask questions allows for clarity in all our relationships, whether they are professional, personal, or a combination of the two.  In the communication model, understanding is the key to measuring expectations; and, asking questions fosters this harmony with others.  When we ask questions that are timely and relevant to the task-at-hand, we are engaging in more responsive communication. 

Unfortunately, we often feel a sense of inner betrayal when we ask questions.  Our inner selves tell us not to ask a lot of questions because the receiving person, or group, might have a belief that we are not as intelligent as we should be to the task.  Thus, most of us don’t want to admit when we don’t understand.

In order to cultivate productive people in the leadership model, you must be able to get them to communicate.  Over the years and through various failed attempts at effective communication, I realized that I needed to re-evaluate my approach.  My thought process was centered on ensuring my needs were met.  While this is important to leadership, I now believe that successful leaders first realize the other person’s needs must be met in order for my needs to be met.  This is accomplished through effective communication, and this effectiveness is centered on the principle of asking questions, or staying in the question with the other person.

While it is imperative that you develop a few questions that fit the needs of your environment, here are the three that I ask without fail:

What is your understanding?

What questions do you have?

What can I do for you?

What Is Your Understanding?

Asking questions that open the conversation is crucial.  It may be easier to ask questions that close the conversation (Yes/No questions, e.g.), but these do not necessarily encourage further thought and consideration.  As is the case, I always start by asking for the other person to restate their understanding of the discussion/task.

It is important to not interrupt their statement of understanding.  Allow the other person to take as long as is necessary to articulate their understanding.  Critical, active listening is crucial here.  Often, they will ask additional questions/statements that add to their clarification.  Try to be as specific as possible in response to their question and in as few words as possible.  You may need to practice this, but it is important to not overrun the recall of their understanding with your words.  Once they have finished use this opportunity to clarify any points.  This is also an opportunity to praise the person.  Remember, in the leadership model praise can be a tool for furthering effective communication.

Listening actively and completely, and without interruption is important not only to ensure the other person has understanding, it is also a good opportunity to work on your critical listening skills.  While you work on these skills, you also present the image to the other person that you are interested and engaged with what they are saying to you.  Again, effective leaders listen and the people that communicate with them know this.

What Questions Do You Have?

This may or may not have been addressed in the first question, but I always follow-up with this question.  If there are additional questions, keep the answers on point and relevant to the accomplishment of the task.  Avoid the temptation to wander down the tangent tree and pick interesting but irrelevant berries of knowledge.  If the additional information will not immediately help with the task in question, avoid this.

Another point to focus on during this question is to ensure the other party knows that at any point during their execution of the task they are supposed to ask questions when they arise.  One way to reinforce this is to forge a healthy give-and-take communication model with them; let them know their questions are safe and not avenues for you to attack them.  If you are listening to their questions and doing your part keep the questions/answers on track you will create healthy communication.  Obviously, too many questions begin to border on the trivial but as a leader it is your job to focus their clarity through questions of your own.

When you answer these questions, and any for that matter, put your heart first.  Listen to the issue of clarity and respond with a desire to be helpful.  It has been our experience that when leaders genuinely cultivate emotionally-mature environments, the people around them ask better questions and are otherwise more knowledgeable at executing their tasks.  In addition, these people are generally happier and more responsive when someone else has a question.

What Can I Do For You?

          This is the most important step to consider when staying in the question.  With various answers, you can clarify the question/statement with a follow-up question.  Keep drilling down with more questions until you and the other person understand exactly what they are, in return, asking of you is important to effective communication.

          A secondary consideration here is the level of commitment this creates within the leadership model.  Asking this question to someone exposes them to careful consideration of the task, and if they confirm there is nothing you can do for them they are now in charge of the task.  This holds an edge, however.  The person charged with the task may run into a roadblock along the path to completion and now feel they cannot ask you a question due to their earlier response.  Be watchful for this.

By creating an environment of staying in the question, your appropriate follow-up during the execution of the task will be to ensure that you ask this question again (possibly more than once depending on the time frame).  You can also realign an errant person and help them back to the path with this question.  It has been our experience that good leaders want to help others be successful.  If this is you, take heed and stay in the question for the duration of the task.

Follow-up Action Item

          Look at your current communication style in your relationships.  Do you ask questions?  Do you actively listen when someone is answering?  Practice asking a few more meaningful and probing questions that further understanding.  Then, practice critical listening, giving your full attention to what is being said.  This is a skill that is honed with practice!

Takeaway

          Leadership is about communicating.  Effective communication includes staying in the question.  Always ask questions and always be listening.  Often times, when we present a strategy and stay in the question, others present outstanding tactical ideas (ideas about accomplishing the strategy).

Delivering Your Best